Saturday, December 31, 2011

5...4...3..2...1...Happy New Year!

2011 has but a mere 2 1/2 hours left to be had. This has been a year to say the least. It has been a year filled with good and bad. I will be happy to see 2012 make it's way in a short while!

My LittleBit is not going to make it to midnight it appears. She is on my bed watching a movie while I type. I say within the next twenty minutes, if that, she will be out! She has had a good end to the year. We had lunch at a local Italian restaurant (her favorite). After that, we went to the zoo. For almost a year we have been trying to feed the giraffe. It never failed. We got to them too late. But, on a stroke of luck we walked by and just in time. Literally, they were ending in five minutes! She was able to feed them much to her delight! We then visited her favorite animals. Of course the lion cubs were among those visited. When we walked up the lioness was awake watching the cubs. The male lion was snoozing. LitlBit was quite curious. She said, " He needs to wake up. The daddy is supposed to be awake and protecting his family!" I had to laugh! She has been full of interesting sidebars the last couple of days. This was but one. Another, that was not a funny but more of a "good grief here we go". My half-sister had her baby. LitlBit heard me talking to my hubs about that. At dinner she, out of the blue as it was not the topic of conversation, asked, "Mommy, do you have a sister and brother?" For lack of a more eloquent southernism...well crap! Why oh why do I have to deal with this? Still? Now with her? At any rate, the answer was yes. Then she asked how they had a different mommy. That you were not supposed to "change your marry". I tried to explain it to her at her level. But, seeing that I don't understand really how am I supposed to explain it to anyone? Especially a six year old? So, let's get this straight. Yes, honey. Mommy does have one of each. No, honey we don't talk and you may or may not meet them? Well, she has met my half-brother. So, at minimum there is a point of reference for him. She understands what a soldier is and that he is one. So, that is a little bit less confusing I suppose. At any rate, it is all sorts of confusing. She periodically will ask who my father is, still. Then shake her head and say, "Oh, yeah, PaPaw." Yep. That is a positive relationship there . Geez. Not sure how to explain the whole sister/brother thing. I refuse not to. If I knew exactly what the deal was I could better. I do not want to shut a door with her that may re-open. But, in turn, I do not want to keep the door ajar if it needs to close. It seems like nothing will change in so far as the confusion though. In turn, I still am not quite sure how exactly to answer these questions from her. I get so frustrated at times like these. When I have questions to answer but no answers to give. The people that started this have no questions to answer it seems. If it is asked, one person shrugs it off while another says I did my best. Great. Now I am the one stuck with hurt feelings, a confused child, and not enough answers to my own questions much less others'! I could care less anymore about people not being there in the past. It is what it is. More importantly, it is in the past. Tired of any conversation including the concept of how it must have been. I am over that. Yes, it was painful, confusing, and filled with a great deal of complicated days. But, that is the past. Over and done. Now we are in the present. That is my focus. Fixing the present. I wish for once I did not get all of the questions! As an aside, I sent my half-sister a congratulations message. I feel better that I did that. It was the right thing to do. This is a very special event in her life. I cannot see not saying something! I would do that for a stranger! How can I not for someone that shares the same DNA?! Not sure if she got it. More importantly, not sure if she read it or not. But, hopefully she did and realized I am sincerely happy for her. I would love to be able to call her up just like I would any friend and be excited to tell her! Would love that. But, life does not work that way. Still. I had to say something. I feel bad enough that I did not send her anything or call her. I could not possible ignore the day completely. That would be uncaring in my opinion. I hope she understands. Maybe one day she will tell me if she does. Until then I have to rely on the fact that I tried to reach out on a very special day. Like I told her when we met. I was not able to be there for the past birthdays etc. But, I am able to now. I would like to think that is a good thing. I would love to be able to talk to her about LitlBit and bebe #2. The difference in age is about the same as with she and my brother. I would love to get her opinion on this. On what I can do to help LitlBit adjust, etc. Would love to talk about this as she was LitlBit years ago! Again, oh well! Does not look like that is going to happen so I am not holding my breath.
On a completely different topic. All is going well with bebe number two! We find out in a week if it is a boy or girl! So excited! LitlBit is excited too. I think this whole sibling thing may actually work out perfect! She is so positive about it all! According to hubs we just need to continue with keeping her involved. Ordered a doppler and it should be here Wednesday. Can't wait for her to hear the heartbeat with it! She is going to be so excited to hear it!
Overall, 2012 has to be a better year for everyone! For the sister, she has a new precious little boy. For my brother, he is home from being overseas at war. For me, I have another precious angel coming! Yes, 2012 cannot help but to be better for lots of people. Maybe, if it continues to go well, lots of fences will be mended and extended as well.