Fall and Family

October is here...and almost gone.  Amazing how quickly things come and go!  One says that they will take time to notice it...later.  After work...after cleaning...after dinner...always after something.  Then, before you know it the time has gone.  Fall to me is a lot like that.  I always say that I will take a moment and enjoy it.  Something usually comes up though.  Then, I look and the leaves are gone and the trees barren.  I struggle to even remember when the leaves fell much less when they changed colors.  Today I noticed that I was once again repeating that pattern.  I noticed that there were some trees in full color on my way to work.  I realized that if they are in full color today then soon they would be gone.  Then I turn into a panic (well much less than a panic...more like a tizzy!).  I love to take pictures of LitlBit.  I may not be able to freeze her in time literally but I can in pictures!  A picture of those special moments we share.  I love seeing her play in those beautiful fall leaves...the carefree happiness that she has.  Must find time to do this!  Must find time to take a moment and enjoy the time and enjoy my family.  I must stop doing it after something and just make it a priority instead before something.

Fall is certainly a time to reminisce about family.  The season is ripe for that.  Between the changes in season...the family gatherings...the special family memories made.  Yes, fall is definitely time for family.  It is funny though because as much as it is a time for family we push family behind everything else.  Shopping and parties are all put in front of family even though we may not know or realize it.  Having my little girl really brought the notion of family up to me.  Growing up, the idea of family was much different than it is now for me.  Growing up the idea of family was there...but not how I wanted it to be there.  My father was non-existent.  Well...that kind of puts one crimp in the notion of family!  Fall then was a time for wonder for me.  Not necessarily wonder at the magic of the season though.  More like wonder as to why it wasn't magical. I wondered lots where the rest of my family was...and why I wasn't there.  I saw friends that from the outside had lots of family and in turn special family times.  The fall seemed magical for them.  I saw how they came together and had traditions.  That was something we did not do nor did we have time to do if it were warranted.  I suppose that is why family means so very much to me now.  I want to do it different.  I want the fall to be filled with excitement and joy for LitlBit.  I want her to know her family...who she is...who they are.  I want her to have bonds with her family...her cousins...aunts...uncles...grandparents.  I want her to know personally what I saw from the outside looking in.

Today my life is quite different from those childhood days.  I have more of an impact on making these fall days special.  Hard as it may be I have tried.  I have tried to reach out to the family I never knew.  I am trying to establish some sort of bond however confusing and hard that may be.  The years have taught me that family is important.  My LitlBit has taught me that family is important.  No matter what...in the end...that is what it is all about.  Not knowing part of my family is not something that I asked for but it is something that I am actively trying to change. No matter what the end result is...I feel as though I have to attempt to make connections.  These fall days bring that up more and more.  Family and fall go hand in hand.  The last thing that I want is the time to pass and not to have tried.  So, without the help of an etiquette book, I am trying.  Slowly, tentatively, but certainly actively trying.  It is not always the easiest thing in the world to be the one taking an active role.  But, I feel as though it is the right thing.  I cannot stop trying because there is so much more to gain than there is to lose by taking the steps forward.  Friendships can be made...a family can grow.  One never knows what they may have lost by putting family after everything else.  However, I know by putting family before everything and taking the time to try I have the possibility of gaining much more than not.  I guess it is best that I have waited until now to attempt this challenge.  In my twenties life priorities were quite different.  Friends and fun were really the priorities I suppose.  Older now (not to be confused with wiser per se!) I realize that tomorrow is not guaranteed.  So, I have to take time now to notice that tree changing colors.